Archive for April, 2010
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Why Is It We All Tend to Act like We’re "Judge Judies?"

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The tendency on the part of human beings to “judge” (i.e., label, criticize, condemn, and so on) plays a significant role in fostering separation among people. For whatever reason, our minds have what appears to be a natural inclination to pass judgment on people, places, situations, etc. While no one wants to be considered judgmental, as this description carries a very negative connotation, the fact is everyone does judge. It is essentially impossible to completely avoid making judgments, for nearly every one of our thoughts has some judgment associated with it.
For example, to describe a meal as delicious is a judgment, as is making a comment that a particular person is attractive. However, it is critical here to make a distinction between the terms judgment and observation. The former involves applying your opinion along with emotion, while the latter involves merely commenting on what you notice. In any event, the first step in addressing your tendency to judge is to simply admit to yourself that you do judge. This does not imply by any means that you are a judgmental person; it simply means that you acknowledge this behavioral inclination rather than deny it. As you come to accept that you do regularly judge, you can then begin to become more aware of when you are doing so.It is also very important to come to an understanding of what the essence of judging other people is really all about. In particular, the reason we judge others is that we see them, not as they are, but as we are. In other words, we filter them through our belief system. Therefore, our judgments do not really say anything about the other person; they merely describe what our preferences are. Whenever someone doesn’t ‘match up’ to our personal standards, we automatically place some sort of judgment on them.
When I first came to this awareness about judgment, it was a bit of shock to me because, prior to that, I had been a person who constantly criticized other people. In fact, during the time I was working in my first job after graduate school, I was given the nickname ‘character assassin’ simply because of my proven ability to make fun of other people. Reflecting back upon that time in my life, the fact is that, deep down inside, I knew that judging others was wrong, but I had no awareness as to why. Once I came to understand that judging others simply defined my preferences, and that people would go on being whatever they were being despite those preferences, life has never been quite the same for me. Sure, I still have a day-to-day tendency to judge, but the difference is that now I at least have some awareness of when I am moving into judgment, whereas in the past I was oblivious to it. This awareness is not just at an intellectual level, but is often physically based as well, as sometimes I honestly feel a sensation in the pit in my stomach when I am being judgmental. Another very important point to understand about judgment is described in this passage from a very interesting book called, “You Are The Answer”, by Michael J. Tamura:
“We may fool ourselves into believing that we are fundamentally different from the person we are judging, but, in truth, we can never recognize in another what we don’t have in ourselves.”
Please read the above quotation again and take a few moments to ponder it; this can be a very difficult concept to comprehend. What it essentially means is that whatever strongly irritates you about someone else is actually mirroring back to you an aspect of yourself that you have denied, suppressed, or not yet learned to love. This excerpt from Debbie Ford’s “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” builds upon this very important point:
“Our indignation over the behavior of others is usually about an unresolved aspect of ourselves. If we listen to everything that comes out of our mouths when we talk to others, judge others, or give advice, we should just turn it around and give it to ourselves.”
This is undoubtedly a challenging concept for us to accept, particularly because at a conscious level, we are virtually unaware that these aspects even exist. However, if you are open-minded enough to give it some credence, it can provide you with another method for coming to a better understanding of yourself. For example, when you do find yourself judging, you can use it as an opportunity to look within and ask yourself, “What is it that this person is showing me about myself?” The answer may not come immediately, but if you are sincere in your intent to discover it, eventually you will.
I personally have learned a lot about myself by applying this approach; usually finding what really annoys me about someone else is a behavior that I myself used to engage in. For instance, I now tend to become quite bothered by people who make it a regular practice to criticize other people. Yet, as discussed earlier, at one point I behaved in precisely the same way. If you are truly honest with yourself in this process, it is quite probable that you will likewise make comparable discoveries. A final point to be aware of regarding judgment is that participating in it actually serves to interfere with your connection with Divinity itself. Deepak Chopra addresses this point in the following passage from his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”:
“When you are constantly evaluating, classifying, labeling, analyzing, you create a lot of turbulence in your inner dialogue. This turbulence constricts the flow of energy between you and the field of pure potentiality. You literally squeeze the “gap” between thoughts. The gap is your connection to the field of pure potentiality. It is that state of pure awareness, that silent space between thoughts, that inner stillness that connects you to true power.”
This “field of pure potentiality,” also known as the ‘God Force’, is the source of all your creativity. As such, participating in judgment not only fosters separation between you and fellow souls, but also limits your personal power and your overall creative potential as well. It is therefore in your best interest to reduce the amount of judging that you do on a daily basis. This, of course, takes a lot of practice, but once you come to the awareness that judging does not in any way serve you, it becomes virtually impossible to judge and not feel a bit awkward about doing so. As you do make progress in your effort to move away from judgment, you will not only experience a quieter mind, but will also have a greater feeling of ‘connectedness’ with all human beings, and with all other elements of creation as well.
(The preceding article is an adapted excerpt from Spirituality Simplified, Copyright 2002, by Jeff Maziarek.)
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Author of "Spirituality Simplified", Jeff Mazariak, Interviewed

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Author: Jeff Maziarek
ISBN: 0974484105
The following interview was conducted by: NORM GOLDMAN:
Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Bookpleasures.com is pleased to have as our guest, Jeff Maziarek author of Spirituality Simplified.
Good day Jeff and thanks for agreeing to participate in our interview.
Norm:
Jeff, please tell our readers a little bit about your personal and professional background.
Jeff: It’s my pleasure to speak with you Norm. I was born and raised in the western suburbs of Chicago, and have lived in this area for most of my nearly 50 years. I graduated from a local college, and then went on to complete graduate school at DePaul University in Chicago. A few months after getting my MBA, I was hired by Texas Instruments in Houston as an entry level product planner for computer printers, which turned out to be of enormous benefit to my business career, since I was able to become a part of the personal computer industry when it was in its infancy.
After a couple of more stops at other technology companies where I served in marketing management positions, I partnered with a friend to found a startup computer company that quickly received a lot of attention from the PC press, but due to a lack of funding failed dismally. After that setback I got back up on the horse again with another high tech startup, but that firm would in due course fail as well, and when that occurred I decided to go out on my own and start a marketing consulting business. That venture evolved over time to become a high tech writing firm, which continues to this day.
The two business failures caused a major turning point in my life, because after they occurred I had a choice, either to blame my life the circumstances for causing these disappointments, or to look within myself for the reasons. This is what ultimately led me to become very interested in the study of both personal and spiritual growth, and from that interest my book eventually evolved.
Norm:
Do you agree with the statement that writers do not write to impart knowledge to others; rather, they write to inform themselves. If so, how is this applicable to your book?
Jeff: Yes, for the most part I do agree. When I first started writing Spirituality Simplified my primary intent was to crystallize my own life philosophy, and I really didn’t have any “plan” to actually publish a book. When I had completed about five chapters, though, the thought occurred to me that this work could be of value to others, and it was at that point I decided to actually develop the work into a commercial product.
Norm:
How have the principles you expound upon in your book helped you in your daily life as well as your business ventures?
Jeff: There is no question that the principles I cover in the book have been of great value to me both personally and professionally. For example, the awareness of the principle of cause & effect has had a dramatic impact, in that ever since I accepted complete responsibility for everything that occurs to me, I no longer get mired in the paralysis of blaming others or circumstances for what happens to me.
In addition, thanks to applying practicing the principle of present moment awareness I’ve reached the point where I virtually never think about the past with an attitude of “what if I had made a different choice, and I no longer experience any feelings of guilt. I’ve also made great strides in leaving behind the need to “know” what will happen by doing my best each day to keep my thoughts in the “now,” since it is our thoughts in the now that ultimately birth the future.
The principle of non-attachment has also been of great value to me, because by practicing it I’ve learned to be less of a “make it happen” person and more of an “allow it to happen” individual. That’s not to say that I don’t occasionally feel frustrated when things aren’t happening as fast as I’d like them to, for at times I certainly do. The difference is I don’t remain in that feeling space for very long, because I know from experience that excessive desire for anything actually tends to push away what we desire. The reason is we’re more focused on what we “don’t have” as opposed to what we intend to have, and since form follows thought we wind up getting more “wanting” and less “having.”
Norm:
Why did you feel compelled to write this book and how did you get the inspiration for this book?
Jeff: As I mentioned a moment ago, when I first began writing this book the idea of actually publishing it wasn’t a big concern for me. It was really about getting the thoughts down on paper for my own education. With respect to the initial inspiration to start the project, as I state in the book’s introduction the person who gave me the idea to actually sit down and start writing a book was a woman named Kaye O’Bara. She and her daughter Edwarda, who fell into a diabetic coma in 1971, were the subject of a book written by Wayne Dyer in 1996 called “A Promise Is A Promise.”
That book described the story of how Kaye had been providing 24 x 7 care for Edwarda ever since that fateful day, and emphasized the unconditional love that Kaye had (and still has) for her. In any event, I had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know Kaye in the late 1990s, and on a visit to see her in February of 1999 we spent an entire afternoon talking about all sorts of subjects, including various spiritual growth books I had read. When she saw what great passion I had for the subject, she looked me right in the eye and said, “you really should write your own book honey, because you certainly have a lot to share with people.” I initially dismissed the idea, but the more I thought about it I felt like it was something that I should do. So, when I returned home from visiting her in Miami, I started to write, but little did I know it would take nearly five years for me to complete it!
Norm:
What are your hopes for your book? Can you talk more about its mission and what you hope readers will take away in terms of improving their life style.
Jeff: Perhaps it’s a case of semantics, Norm, but the reality is that I don’t have any “hopes” for the book. To me the word hope is based in “longing”, and when we long for something we inadvertently put thought and feeling energy into remaining in a state of longing. That is we continue to focus on what we don’t yet have. So, rather than “hopes” I have an “intention” for the book, namely that it eventually finds its way into the hands of a large number of readers who can really benefit from it, and I remain confident that it will.
With respect to my mission in writing the book, first and foremost my intent was to create a spiritual growth book that would be the ideal starting point for any person who was interested in embarking on a path of spiritual self-discovery. By including nearly 80 passages from 40 different books, many of them classic works in the category, it serves as a wonderful roadmap to related content, but it also serves as a handy reference for folks who have been walking this path for a while.
As to what I would like readers to take way from this work, primarily I would like them to come to the realization that the application of spiritual principles can indeed help them to manifest the life they truly desire, but doing so requires they be willing to challenge literally every single one of their longstanding beliefs in the process of coming to know who they really are. The path of self-discovery requires commitment and effort, but the rewards are well worth it.
Norm:
Can you explain some of your research techniques, and how you found sources for your book? Also, please tell us how easy or difficult it was to interweave this material into your own thoughts.
Jeff: As I mentioned a moment ago, this book contains source material from a fairly large number of books. My approach was really very simple, to look through the nearly 200 books that I’d read on the subject to come up with what I believed to be “the best of the best” passages I’d found over nearly a decade of reading such works.
Once the passages were collected, I categorized them against the major subjects I wanted to cover (i.e., the chapter titles), and then wove them together with my own experiences on the path of spiritual growth. This process of “weaving” was actually quite challenging, as the last thing I wanted to do was to simply create a book of quotations from other authors’ work. In the end I was satisfied with the results, but as I said earlier when I began the project I never thought it would take as long as it did to finish.
Norm:
What challenges or obstacles did you encounter while writing your book? How did you overcome these challenges?
Jeff: There were numerous challenges over the course of the project, including a few bouts with “writer’s block”, as well as some conflicts with my other work as a technical writer that often pulled me away from the book writing effort for weeks at a time. I also ran into some production issues that served to further delay the effort.
With respect to overcoming these challenges, getting past the “writer’s block” was always a case of simply letting go of the self-imposed stress of “needing” to do so. In every single instance the block was eventually broken after I took some quiet time and asked for guidance on the matter. As for the schedule conflicts with my other work, I simply had to accept the fact that at times it was necessary to concentrate on that work, for it was that work that was paying the bills. Finally, the various production issues I encountered required a combination of patience along with intense determination. Bottom line, I had come this far and I was not going to quit; I feel the same way about the project today.
Norm:
Do you intend to write any other books or is this the first and last one?
Jeff: After the intense amount of effort it took to write and produce the first book, I initially thought that one would be enough, but I changed my mind about that within the last year or so. As fate would have it, the motivation to put pen to paper again (or fingers to keyboard) came from a source I certainly would never have chosen deliberately–a diagnosis of inoperable liver cancer in my beloved twelve-year old Border Collie, Codi.
This new book is currently about four chapters old, and is in essence a personal reflection upon our experiences after receiving the devastating news about Codi‘s health in early April of 2004, as well as throughout the nearly twelve months that transpired prior to her death. The primary intent of this work is to share what I believe are very important spiritual lessons that Codi taught me during that last year of her life. The writing effort so far has been an emotional catharsis of sorts, and I expect that will continue throughout the balance of the book.
Norm:
How would you respond to potential readers who might be skeptical about some of the ideas you present in your book?
Jeff: I’d say they have every right to be as skeptical as they want to be. My mission here is by no means to evangelize anybody; it is merely to share information I have found to be of great value to me personally. If they profit from it, great, if they don’t, then so it goes.
As I mention in the book, the Buddha himself cautioned against blindly embracing his teachings when he said: “Monks and scholars must not accept my words out of respect, but must analyze them the way that a goldsmith analyzes gold, by cutting, scraping, rubbing, melting.” In my experience anyone who is on the path of developing their own spiritual philosophy would benefit by applying a similar approach.
Norm:
Is there anything else you wish to add that we have not covered?
Jeff: Yes, I want to close by reiterating an old mantra, namely that the entire process of spiritual growth really isn’t about getting someplace; it’s about enjoying and appreciating every step on the journey of self-discovery.
Norm:
Thanks once again and good luck with Spirituality Simplified.
Jeff: Thank you, Norm, for your time and the opportunity to share these thoughts with you and visitors to Bookpleasures.com.
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Kenya Cheap Safari Flights – Top Kenya Bargain – Discount & Air Plane Tickets

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Flights from Asia to Kenya
Kenya airways serve Hong Kong, Bangkok and Shanghai a few times a week. STA travel.com.hk proliferates in Asia. In Hong Kong you can also try Fourseestravel.com/English.
Flights to Kenya from Australia and New Zealand
Getting to Kenya from Australia or New Zealand is harder than you might expect, as none of the trans-Asian airlines fly to Nairobi (and that includes Qantas and Air New Zealand). The most direct route from Australia to Kenya is via Mauritius with Air Mauritius, but the cheapest tickets from New Zealand and Australia are usually via Persian Gulf with gulf airlines or emirates, or with SAA via Johannesburg.
Return fares typically cost A$2600 from Sydney or Melbourne, around A$2300 from Perth and NZ$2750 to NZ$3000 from Auckland.
statravel.com.au and flightcentre.com.au both have offices through out Australia. For online bookings, try http://www.travel.com.au. Cheap airfares are also advertised in the travel sections of weekend newspapers, such as the age in Melbourne and the Sydney morning herald.
In New Zealand, the New Zealand Herald has good travel section with plenty of advertised fares. Both flight centre and STA travel have branches through out the country. For online bookings travel.co.nz is recommended.
Flights to Kenya from Europe
Kenya airways’ link with KLM means that you can fly to Nairobi via Amsterdam from regional airports across Europe. From Amsterdam, as from most European cities, return fares range from EUR 600 to EUR 800, depending on the season.
SN Brussels Airlines also has regular connections to Nairobi with cheap return fares available. Because of the Swiss Airlines connection, Switzerland is another good place to buy discount air tickets to Nairobi. The new Jetlink Express Company runs regular direct flights to Italy.
STA travel, the international student and young person’s travel giant, has branches in many European nations. There are also many STA affiliated travel agencies across Europe. Visit the website to find an STA partner close to you. Other recommended travel agencies across Europe include the following.
Belgium
Acotra Student Travel Agency 02 51 286 07
WATS reizen 03 22 616 26
France
Anyway 0892 893892
Lastminute 0892 705000
Nouvelles Frontiers 0825 000747
OTU Voyages
Voyageurs du monde 01 40 15 11 15
Germany
Expedia
Just Travel 089-747 33 30
Last minute 01805 284 366
Italy
CTS Viaggi 064 62 04 31
Netherlands
Air fair 020 620 51 21
NBBS Reizen 020 624 09 89
Spain
Barelo Viajes 902 11 62 26
Nouvelles Frontiers 902 17 09 79
Switzerland
SSR Voyages 01 297 11 11
Flights from Indian subcontinent
Flights between east Africa and Mumbai (Bombay) are common, due to the large Indian populations in East Africa; Kenya Airways and Air India are the major carriers. Typically fares to Nairobi are about US$ 350.
Although most of India’s discount travels agents are in Delhi, there are also come reliable agents in Mumbai. STIC travels have offices in dozens of Indian cities. Another agency is Transway International.
It is always advisable to sample quotations from more than at least 2 travel agencies in order to compare the flight ticket prices to Kenya. If you use due diligence and of course some knowledge of which are the discount travel agencies, you will end up saving some quid.
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