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When a group of outsiders behaves in a way that hurts your business, you usually do something about it. Yet, many business people are amazingly casual about their own external audiences. To me at least, they seem to ignore the reality that those behaviors really do impact their organizations.
Even when they do realize it, they often fail to associate the damage with the one remedy likely to help – public relations, America’s behavior modification specialists.
Not surprisingly, the fundamental premise of public relations spells out why businesses need public relations. Namely, to help alter the perceptions, and thus behaviors of their key target audiences which almost always leads to achieving their business objectives.
Here’s what the premise says: People act on their own perception of the facts before them, which leads to predictable behaviors about which something can be done. When we create, change or reinforce that opinion by reaching, persuading and moving- to-desired-action those people whose behaviors affect the organization, the public relations mission is accomplished.
And here’s how you can apply it to your business.
Have you ever thought seriously about who these groups are that can wield such power over your organization? In addition to obvious audiences such as customers, prospects and employees, would your list of key external audiences also include such “publics” as area residents, political officeholders, minorities, fraternal groups, trade and industry leaders, nearby military personnel and union leaders? The test is, do their behaviors affect my business in any way? If they do, they belong on the list.
Now, put the names on that list into priority order and, for starters, let’s see how we might approach the group at the top of your list – your key, target public.
Can’t affect how they perceive you, or behave towards you, unless you take the time to find out how they currently perceive you and your business. Interact with several members of that important outside audience, and ask a lot of questions. Have you heard about us? Do you have a positive opinion about us? And listen carefully for any hint of negativity such as inaccurate beliefs about your product or service quality and pricing. Do you notice other misconceptions about your business, or a recurring rumor that needs to be confronted directly?
When you monitor individual perceptions this way, the responses you receive allow you to establish your public relations goal. For example, neutralize that rumor, or clear up that misconception, or correct that inaccuracy.
But what good is that public relations goal all by itself? No good, of course, until you know how you’re going to achieve it. And that means you need a strategy. Since there are really just three ways to affect perceptions or opinion, you must decide whether the public relations goal can be achieved by creating opinion/ perceptions where there isn’t any, or by changing existing opinion, or by reinforcing it.
And so, with goal and strategy all set, the real work begins. What are you going to say to those individuals whose perceptions of your organization you wish to alter? In other words, you need a message that, in addition to being crystal-clear as to intent, will be persuasive, credible and really compelling. And you must be specific as to whether you seek to correct a misconception, an inaccuracy, a rumor or a mistaken belief about the organization.
Every bullet needs a gun to fire it at the target. And the same goes for your message. The “beasts of burden” that will carry your message to the right eyes and ears among your target audience will be communications tactics. They include news releases, letters-to-the-editor, speeches, newsletters, brochures, face-to-face meetings, broadcast interviews and dozens of others.
In due course, you will wonder if you’re making any progress. Best way to tell is to monitor members of your target audience all over again. Ask questions similar to those you used earlier, and listen carefully for indications that their perceptions now reflect the corrective elements of your message.
Not enough movement in their perceptions? You’ll want to think about increasing the number of different communications tactics you’re bringing to bear as well as an increase in their frequencies. And don’t forget to re-evaluate the factual basis and impact of your message itself.
Your ongoing monitoring of perceptions among your key target audience will begin to reveal changes in that opinion as time passes. And that spells success in public relations.
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would be appreciated at bobkelly@TNI.net.
Robert A. Kelly © 2003
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Public Relations: Power Tool for the 21st Century

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I address this article to businesses, associations, non-profits and
public entity managers seeking a direct connection between
the money they’re planning to spend on public relations, and the achievement of their organizational objectives.
We can save a lot of time – you and I – if we can agree on
one point: I believe that deep down – and I mean DEEP down –
most chief executives understand that doing something about the
behaviors of their most significant external audiences can rank in
importance right up there with increased sales and earnings.
Whether they do anything about it or not is another question.
But I believe many sense – as do legislators who know they
cannot govern without the consent of the governed – that
managements cannot “govern” their enterprises without the support
and understanding of their most important audiences. I refer to
audiences such as members, supporters, customers, sponsors,
prospects, regulators, employees, thoughtleaders, public interest
groups and the like.
If I’m right, there are some bright days ahead in this new
century not only for public relations people but world commerce as
well.
Fortunately for all concerned, that success will spring from the fundamental premise of public relations: people act on their own
perception of the facts, and those perceptions lead to behaviors about
which something can be done. When public relations creates, changes
or reinforces that opinion by reaching, persuading and moving-to-
desired-action those people whose behaviors affect the organization,
the public relations effort is a success.
What that should mean to a CEO seems obvious. “I guess that
money I’m spending on public relations really could result in the kind
of change in behaviors of my key stakeholders that leads directly to
the achievement of my organizational objectives.”
That conclusion will let us do what we do best – reach those key audience perceptions with the facts as we know them. Hopefully, the messages we use will be clear and persuasive, and will create, change
or reinforce perceptions as needed, then alter behaviors in the employer/client’s direction.
When the problem solving sequence is completed, that particular public relations mission is accomplished. However, we must constantly guard against simply emphasizing those communications tactics we fervently HOPE will reach the target audience. Instead, we must go
further and actively track how well those tactics and persuasive
messages are altering the perception of that target audience. And then
monitor to what degree audience behaviors have moved in our direction.
This matters in a very important way. Management really CAN establish the desired behavior change up front in the planning phase,
then insist on getting that result before pronouncing the public relations effort a success. In other words, getting their public relations money’s worth!
This is powerful stuff! A chief executive of an association, a
business, a non-profit and even a public entity can work with his or
her public relations counsel and agree in the planning phase what they
must do to achieve a specified adjustment in the behaviors of a really important external audience.
Even better, the way to do this is well-known in the public
relations business:
select your target audience;
gauge its perception levels;
gauge the behaviors that have resulted;
set your public relations goal;
set your public relations strategy;
prepare the persuasive message;
select and implement the communications tactics that will carry the message to that key audience;
monitor for perception change;
monitor for behavior change and, hopefully, a public relations success.
What will the employer/client want from us as we move ahead
into the 21st Century? I believe s/he will want us to apply our special
skills in a way that helps achieve his or her business objectives.
But when will that employer/client of ours be fully satisfied
with the public relations results we have achieved? Only when our
“reach, persuade and move-to-desired-action” efforts have produced
the visible modification in the behaviors of those target audiences
they wish to influence.
Let me conclude our look at Public Relations: Power Tool For
The 21st Century by highlighting once again the three benefits our employer/client will continue to receive when the behavioral changes become apparent and meet the program’s original behavior modification goal.
1. Their public relations program will be a success.
2. By achieving the behavioral goal they set at the beginning of the program, they will be using a dependable and accurate public relations performance measurement.
3. When our “reach, persuade and move-to-desired-action” efforts produce that visible modification in the behaviors of those people they wish to influence, they will be using public relations’ core value to its very best advantage ensuring that they really DO receive their “money’s worth.”
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your
ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would
be appreciated at bobkelly@TNI.net.
Robert A. Kelly © 2004.
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The Power of Applied Public Relations

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Especially powerful when business, non-profit, public
entity and association managers plan for and create the
kind of external stakeholder behavior change that leads
directly to achieving their managerial objectives. All the
more so when they persuade those key outside folks to
their way of thinking, then move them to take actions
that allow their department, group, division or subsidiary
to succeed.
What they will have done, of course, is apply public
relations strategy to doing something positive about the
behaviors of the very outside audiences that MOST
affect their operations.
And the payoff from combining sound public relations
strategy with effective communications tactics is achieving
the bottom line – perception altered, behaviors modified,
employer/client satisfied.
And now the hard part. What steps must managers take
to apply this public relations approach to their operation?
By employing public relations activity that creates
first perception, then behavior change within that key
outside audience.
You can do it if you accept the fact that the right PR
really CAN alter individual perception and lead to
those changed behaviors you need. Plus, that right PR
comes with its own blueprint: people act on their own
perception of the facts before them, which leads to
predictable behaviors about which something can be
done. When we create, change or reinforce that opinion
by reaching, persuading and moving-to-desired-action
the very people whose behaviors affect the organization
the most, the public relations mission is usually
accomplished.
Obviously, you will need a lot more than news releases,
brochures, broadcast plugs and fun-filled special events
to get a satisfactory return on your PR investment.
Among the results business, non-profit, public entity and
association managers can expect are renewed interest
from your key external audiences, new proposals for
strategic alliances and joint ventures; rebounds in
showroom visits; membership applications on the rise;
new community service and sponsorship opportunities;
and even new thoughtleader and special event contacts.
As time passes, you will notice such customers making
repeat purchases; prospects reappearing; stronger
relationships with the educational, labor, financial and
healthcare communities; improved relations with
government agencies and legislative bodies, and perhaps
even capital givers or specifying sources looking your way.
A caution here. Satisfy yourself that your PR people are
really on board for the whole effort because you want your
key outside audiences to really perceive your operations,
products or services in a positive light. Reassure yourself
that your PR staff accept the basic truth that perceptions
almost always lead to behaviors that can help or hurt your
unit.
And by all means, invest the time to review your public
relations plan with your entire staff. Especially so with
regard to how you will gather and monitor perceptions
by questioning members of your most important outside
audiences. Questions like these: how much do you know
about our organization? How much do you know about
our services or products and employees? Have you had
prior contact with us and were you pleased with the how
things went? Have you experienced problems with our
people or procedures?
It’s our good fortune that our team members are also in
the perception and behavior business and can pursue the
same objective as the professional survey firms might
were they to handle the perception monitoring phases
of your program: identify untruths, false assumptions,
unfounded rumors, inaccuracies, misconceptions and
any other negative perception that might translate into
hurtful behaviors.
Now it’s time to directly address the problems that
appeared during your key audience perception
monitoring. Probably, your new public relations goal
will call for straightening out that dangerous
misconception, or correcting that gross inaccuracy, or
doing something about that awful rumor.
Let’s pause for a moment and ask ourselves how we
plan to reach that PR goal? You have just three strategic
choices when it comes to dealing with a perception or
opinion challenge: create perception where there may
be none, change the perception, or reinforce it.
Unfortunately, selecting a bad strategy will taste like
macadamia mousse on your gnocchi. So be certain the new
strategy fits well with your new public relations goal.
For example, you don’t want to select “change” when
the facts dictate a “reinforce” strategy.
Structuring your corrective message is especially crucial
because persuading an audience to your way of thinking is
the hardest kind of work. And never more so than when
you’re looking for words that are compelling, persuasive,
believable AND clear and factual. Hard work yes, but a
must if you are to correct a perception by shifting opinion
towards your point of view, leading to the desired
behaviors. Review your message with your communications
specialists for its impact and persuasiveness.
Being particularly careful to select the precise
communications tactics most likely to reach your target
audience, you will find literally dozens of them available
to you. From speeches, facility tours, emails and
brochures to consumer briefings, media interviews,
newsletters, personal meetings and many others. Be
certain that the tactics you pick are known to reach folks
just like your audience members.
Another wrinkle to guard against is this. The very credibility
of your message can depend on how you deliver it. So, until
you’re certain as to its impact, try introducing it initially to
smaller gatherings rather than using higher-profile
communications such as news releases or talk show
appearances. Before long, you’ll need to produce a progress
report, which means it’s probably time for you and your PR
folks to get back out in the field for a second perception
monitoring session with members of your external audience.
You can use the same questions used in the first benchmark
session, but now you must stay alert for signs that your
communications tactics have worked and that the negative
perception is being altered in your direction.
I’m as impatient as the next person, so I suspect the same may
be true of you. If things slow down, you can always accelerate
matters with a broader selection of communications tactics
AND increased frequencies.
Managerial public relations applied this way can be a beautiful
thing to watch or, better yet, to happen to you. It also suggests
that managers like yourself can take a giant step forward when
you use public relations to do something positive about the
behaviors of the very outside audiences that MOST affect your
operation.
Please feel free to publish this article in your ezine,
newsletter, offline publication or website. Only
requirement: you must use the Robert A. Kelly byline
and resource box.
Robert A. Kelly © 2006
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Public Relations: Why it Works

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The short answer is, it works best when its fundamental premise is the guide, which insures that the primary focus of your public relations program is the behaviors of your most important outside audiences. Not less urgent matters like personalities, communi- cations tactics or administrative concerns.
PR strives to effectively manage the perceptions and behaviors of your outside audiences with the goal of helping you achieve your organizational objectives.
Pretty important stuff.
But not difficult or complex.
Particularly when you get started on the right foot.
Namely, do an inventory and identify those groups of people whose behaviors have a clear impact on your organization.
Because how those folks think about you and your organization usually leads to those helpful/hurtful behaviors, job #1 is, find out how they perceive you right now.
You and your colleagues must monitor those perceptions, interact with those target audience individuals and pose lots of questions. What do you think of us? Have you ever had a problem with our service? But remain alert to signs of negativity like hesitant or evasive responses, misconceptions, rumors or inaccuracies.
With those responses in hand, you establish your public relations goal. For example, correct a specific inaccuracy, clear up that misconception, or neutralize a damaging rumor.
Next question: how do I get from here to there? You need a strategy. But in dealing with opinion change, you have just three possibilities. Create opinion/perception where there may be none, change existing opinion, or reinforce it.
What you say to members of your target audience is really important. After all, you’re trying to change perceptions, and that requires a message that is not only crystal-clear, but persuasive and believable. So, when you say the misconception, inaccuracy or rumor should be corrected, be sure your facts are rock-solid, credible and, hopefully, compelling.
Run the message by your colleagues to test its chances of altering perception, then fine tune it.
Your delivery system for moving your message to members of your target audience is the communications tactic. And there are scores of them available to you. From newspaper interviews, radio talk shows, emails, speeches and brochures to op-eds, community briefings, newsletters, personal contacts and many others.
How will you know if you are making progress?
Once your communications tactics have had six or seven weeks to make an impact on your target audience, go back out among audience members and ask the same questions all over again. The big difference the second time around is, you are now looking for signs that opinion has been altered with regard to the problem perception. And watch especially for altered perceptions that include the corrective elements of your message.
As you continue monitoring key audience opinion/perceptions, positive changes should begin appearing and, inevitably, lead to the behavior changes you want.
In public relations, it doesn’t get much better than that.
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would be appreciated at bobkelly@TNI.net.
Robert A. Kelly © 2003.
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How to Take Advantage of Public Relations

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Decide once and for all to do something about those outside audiences whose behaviors affect your organization the most.
When members of those “publics” of yours perceive and understand who and what you are, and like what they see, the behaviors that flow from those perceptions will put a smile on your face.
Good things happen like converting sales prospects into customers, convincing existing customers to stay with you, or even toning down activist rhetoric. Even internally, productivity often increases when employees conclude that you really do care about them.
It’s all possible when you commit your organization to confront head-on those key target audience perceptions and behaviors.
Easy to do? Well, it’s not so hard when you have a roadmap to guide you.
Right at the top, try listing, say, your top three outside audiences whose behaviors can really affect the success of your organization. Let’s pick the audience at the top of the list and go to work on it.
Can’t take any chances on being wrong about what they think of you, so now’s the time to start interacting with audience members. Ask a lot of questions. What do they think of your services or products? Is there a hint of negativity in their answers? Do you detect the evil effects of a rumor? Are their facts inaccurate and in need of correction?
What information gathering like this does for you is let you form a public relations goal. It could be as simple as correcting an inaccurate perception, clearing up a misconception or spiking that nasty rumor. Your goal might even have to take aim at a widespread belief that’s just plain wrong.
With your goal set, how will you actually affect those perceptions? Of course, that takes a successful strategy. But when it comes down to really doing something about opinion, we have only three ways to go: create opinion if there is none, change existing opinion, or reinforce it. Just make sure the strategy you choose flows logically from the public relations goal you set.
What exactly will you say to the members of your key target audience? Well, that depends largely on what changes in perception and, thus, behaviors you want. Your message must be clear as a mountain stream and, above all, factually believable and persuasive. It should be direct and as compelling as possible. Might help to try it out on one or two audience members and get their reactions.
Dare I call this part fun? Communications tactics, I mean? There are dozens available and they all will reach members of your key target audience with varying degrees of efficiency. You could use personal meetings, emails, letters-to-the-editor and brochures, or you could try open houses, speeches, radio interviews and even a news conference. There are many, many more.
But now, you can’t avoid this. You must once again interact with members of your key target audience or you will never know if your goal, strategy, message and communications tactics ever worked.
When you again meet with these individuals, you’ll be asking questions similar to your first opinion monitoring session.
Difference this time is that you’re hot on the trail of altered perceptions because you know they will almost always lead to the change in behavior you really want.
Does it look like you were successful in cleaning up that misconception? Or in rooting out that wrong but deep- seated belief? Or shooting big round holes in that mischievous rumor?
If you’re not happy with your progress, consider altering the mix and frequency of your communications tactics. And don’t forget to take a hard look at your message. Was it REALLY clear? Did your facts and figures support your contention that the rumor is not only unfair, but hurtfully wrong?
Finally, as noted at the top of this piece, when members of your key audiences really understand you and your organization, good things usually happen. Things that really will put that smile on your face.
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would be appreciated at bobkelly@TNI.net.
Robert A. Kelly © 2003
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What I Do

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I believe this about public relations.
People act on their own perception of the facts before them,
which leads to predictable behaviors about which something
can be done. So, when we create, change or reinforce that
opinion by reaching, persuading and moving-to-desired-action
those people whose behaviors affect the organization, the public
relations mission is accomplished.
That fundamental premise grew out of many years in the public
relations business. A time when I became increasingly appalled
at what many general management people believe about public
relations, if anything, and how the discipline does or does not fit
into their organization’s strategic plan.
The result is, I’ve become a “preacher,” but not to public relations practitioners. Rather, I direct my commentary to those general
management people who, daily, pursue their goals and objectives
largely without the insights, behavioral strategies and sheer power
public relations can bring to the table.
Here’s what I believe they’re missing, i.e., the essentials that flow
from the fundamental premise at the top of this article.
Any organization – non-profit, association, business, public
entity, including your own -MUST take into account the
perceptions held by those external audiences whose behaviors
affect your organization, or the behaviors flowing from those
perceptions can hurt.
What my commentaries often say to these managers is this: Is it
just a matter of “hits?” You know, articles or interviews sold to
editors? Is that all there is to public relations?
Or, could there be more to it?
Of course there’s more to it!
Why do you want the “hits” in the first place? What are you
trying to accomplish?
I believe you want the same thing every other buyer of public
relations services wants: to change somebody’s behavior in a
way that really helps your organization reach its objectives.
So, wouldn’t it make more sense to start at the beginning and
save tactics like “publicity hits” for that moment when you need
those “beasts of burden” to do their thing? Namely, to efficiently
carry persuasive messages to a key target audience of yours?
Sure it would.
So let’s start by taking a close look at those external target
publics. They’re so important because how they think and
behave can actually determine the success or failure of your
business.
Don’t believe it? Look at those audiences whose behaviors
directly affect the organization’s operations, in particular
those completely unaware that the organization even exists.
Are they likely to buy its products or services?
No.
Look at an external audience where members harbor a serious misconception about the organization. Does this reduce their
desire to do business with you?
Yes.
Look at an external audience some of whose members believe
a grossly negative and inaccurate set of facts about the
organization. Will those people be first in line to buy its products
or services?
No.
Obviously, what your key target audience believes about your
organization matters, and matters a lot!
Why not begin by heading-off such a situation by listing those
outside groups – those target audiences – in order of how much
their behaviors affect your organization?
We’ll use #1 on your list as our trial “public.”
Start by interacting with that group of people. Of course, if the
budget will stand it, you could use a survey firm to gather their
feelings, thoughts and perceptions.
Minus such a budget, do it yourself, and with colleagues, by
carefully monitoring how these people feel about your organization.
When you interact this way, you get to ask a lot of questions and
gather a lot of information you really need.
What are you hearing? Misconceptions that need straightening out?
Rumors that should not be allowed to fester? Inaccurate beliefs
about your products and services that could drive people away
from you? Notice other perceptions about you and your organization
that need to be altered?
The answers to such questions prepare you to create your public
relations goal. In brief, alter, and thus correct, each misconception,
or inaccuracy, or rumor. Worthy goals all!
You’ve made some real progress by monitoring perceptions within
your key target audience. You’ve established your public relations
goal, and selected the right strategy to achieve it.
Sad to say, there’s a little more work to do in the form of “The
Message.” Hopefully, this will alter people’s inaccurate perceptions
about you and the organization.
But it must be carefully written so that it is persuasive and perceived
as creditable and believable. And it must speak the truth clearly
and with authority.
Now, here is where your “beasts of burden” come in. They are the communications tactics that will carry your newly-minted message
from your computer direct to the attention of those key target
audience members whose behavior you hope to alter in your
direction.
Happily, there are scores of communications tactics awaiting your
pleasure. You might use a speech to communicate your message,
or letters-to-the-editor, press releases, emails, brochures or face-
to-face meetings, and many other tactics.
Sooner or later, you’ll wonder if you’re making any progress towards
your behavioral goal. Of course, you’ll monitor local print and
broadcast media, but REmonitoring those key audience members by interacting with them all over again is the real ticket.
This time around, you’ll be looking for perception and attitude
changes hopefully produced by the combination of your persuasive messages and carefully targeted communications tactics. And
you’ll be asking lots of questions all over again.
If you note considerable movement in opinion in your direction,
you may consider your public relations goal as having been
achieved.
Should little movement be noted, adjustments to the frequency and
quantity of you communications tactics should be made. Your
message also should be reviewed for its content and direction,
and tested again for effect with a panel of target group members.
Either way, your public relations program is on track and preparing
to deliver the key target audience behaviors your business needs
to succeed.
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your
ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would
be appreciated at bobkelly@TNI.net.
Robert A. Kelly © 2003.
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Make Money While Social Networking – New Facebook Marketplace Guide

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Facebook first introduced the Marketplace application in mid 2007 as a way for people to post classified listings on the site. Now Facebook has launched its new, updated Marketplace. This time the Marketplace is powered by a company with a funny name, Oodle. Despite the name they are a big online classifieds company founded by former Excite and eBay executives. Oodle has built a completely new version of the Marketplace focused on giving people a place to buy, sell or give things away to the people they know.
This Facebook Marketplace Guide is a practical Step-By-Step Guide for all of you who want to learn how to sell your items effectively on the new Facebook Marketplace. Using the Facebook Marketplace you can sell, give away, buy, ask or search for anything you want. You can also use the Marketplace to support your favourite charities by selling your unwanted goods for a good cause. Additionally, you can see what your friends are buying and/or selling.
Facebook users can post their Marketplace listings free of charge. Your listings will be viewable to millions of Facebook Marketplace users worldwide. If you have previously used the old Facebook Marketplace, you should see it bookmarked in the lower left hand corner of your monitor. And, if you had active listings in the old Marketplace, you should be given the option to transfer them to the new Facebook Marketplace. If you have not used the Facebook Marketplace application before, you can find it here: Facebook.com/marketplace.
Ok, let’s get down to business. As I mentioned, this is a
Step-By-Step Guide how to sell in the Facebook Marketplace effectively
So, here we go:
Step 1 – Take a Photo
Grab your digital camera and take a nice close-up picture of the item that you wish to sell. It is best to shoot against a light, solid background. Transfer your photo to your computer as a JPG-file. If your item is something that can’t be presented with a photo, don’t worry, you can still get it listed.
Step 2 – Log On
Log on to your Facebook account and fire up the Marketplace application. Just click the Applications menu in the lower left hand corner of your screen and choose Marketplace. You are greeted with the Marketplace welcome screen.
You have four main options at your disposal:
Sell It
Sell for a Cause
Give It Away and
Ask for It
In this guide we are concentrating on the Selling-for-Money side of things, so you may leave the screen as it is and write a short description of your item in the box where it says “Sell something to make extra cash.” When you click the box it will change into “Yourname” is selling. Write your main headline for the listing here. After writing your headline description, click the blue Post-button.
Step 3 – Write Your Advertisement
After you have written your headline for the listing you are presented with a new screen with more options related to your listing. Write a punch line type of a description in the box “Why are you selling it”. You could write “I need money to buy more stuff.” but, even though it might be the case, I don’t think it would get your listing noticed. Consider this space as your sub headline for the ad. Write this description like you were working in an advertising company. Or, if you feel more conservative, just describe your item as funky as possible. You have two lines to hit the point.
Next, state your asking price in the Price-box. You know what its worth.
Write your location. This is a must. Just write in your city.
Choose a category for your item. At the time of writing this book, there are only the following 13 categories available:
Baby & Kid Stuff
Books & Magazines
Cars & Vehicles
Clothes & Accessories
Collectibles
Computers & Accessories
Electronics
Furniture
Home and Garden
Musical Instruments
Sporting Goods, Bicycles & Equipment
Tickets
Everything Else
If you can’t find a suitable category for your item, you can always choose Everything Else, however it is not a very good category to be listed under.
In the next box you can provide a wider description of your item. Here you have more room than just two lines. Describe your item with as much detail as you can. You know, size, colour, condition,.. those sort of things. But, don’t stress yourself too much with this; you can always change it later. Once you have created the best advertising text ever, hit the Browse-button to locate your photo from your computer, USB stick or where ever you think you saved it in Step 1. Yes, I know, I can never find my images either. Don’t panic though, you have time to locate it; the screen isn’t going anywhere.
You found it? Good! Actually, you can upload two photos if you wish. For instance if you are selling a book, it is a good idea to upload both front and back covers. You can upload even more images later on, but for the sake of this exercise, one is enough.
Tick the Terms of Use-box and click the Submit-button.
Step 4 – Rather Unnecessary Step
The next screen has your details on it and your only option is to click the Continue-button. I really don’t know why this screen exists, but since it does all we can do is click the button.
Step 5 – Publishing
Next you will get a screen asking if you want to publish this listing in your own Facebook profile. This is a good idea. You will get a choice for a Full, Short or a One Line description. I would recommend you’d choose the Short-option. You may tick the Always do this for Marketplace-box if you wish to use this same option every time you list something. So, if you wish to publish this listing on your profile, click the Publish-button, but if you only want it to appear in the Facebook Marketplace, choose the No, Thanks-button.
Step 6 – Promotion
This step is your first chance to advertise your new listing. This is also a good idea. You can Recruit Friends to Promote your Listing in their News Feed. You can add up to 5 of your friends by clicking on their pictures. You can also choose them by writing their names in the Find Friends-box. Once you have chosen your friends who might be interested in promoting your listing, click the Send Request-button; or if you don’t want to bother your friends this time, choose Skip.
Step 7 – Personal Marketing Message
You will be presented a confirmation screen with your details. You can add a personal message to this post by clicking the blue Add Personal Message-hotlink. If you don’t want to add your personal message, just click the Send-button. You also can cancel this message altogether by clicking Cancel.
Step 8 – Done!
Congratulations! You have listed your first item on the Facebook Marketplace. Listings take approximately 30 minutes to be included in the search index.
You will be presented with the screen titled “Manage My Listing: Active”. Here you can review your listing and, if you wish to make any changes click the Edit Details-hotlink in the light green bar. You can also delete your listing as well as promote your listing with a Facebook Ad. I will not get into details how to produce Facebook Ads in this book. That topic, among many other good ones, will be fully covered in my Facebook Advertising Guide.
That’s it, you’ve done it! Good work! Thank you for reading so far.
Additional, Good to Know Stuff:
Editing Your Listing
You can easily edit your listings after you have published them. Just click the Edit Details-hotlink on the screen mentioned in the Manage My Listing -page, and you will get pretty much the same screen as when you were writing the listing in the first place. You can change every detail of your listing here as well as upload more images if you wish. It is a good idea to show as many images as you can.
After you have made your changes in this panel click the Submit-button to get your listing updated. You will again be presented with a useless confirmation screen as seen. Just ignore it, and click the Continue-button.
Next, you will be asked if you wish to publish this updated listing on your Facebook profile as in Step 6. You may choose to publish again, or you may just click the No, Thanks-button.
Finally, you will see your updated listing on the “Manage My Listing”- screen.
Managing Your Facebook Marketplace Listings
You can easily manage all of your Facebook Marketplace listings in one convenient location. If you click the My Listings-hotlink in the Marketplace menu, you will see your current listings. This is your place to manage all your listings. You can add more listings, edit them and after you have sold your items you can delete them.
As I mentioned earlier, you can also sell your items for a cause or you can give them away for free (don’t know why, but you can). You can also find something you need for yourself. These functions are not covered in this book, but I’m sure you’ll manage them with the principles covered here.
Ok, I hope you enjoyed this Facebook Marketplace Guide. I wish you luck in selling your stuff through Facebook. I sold my first item, an awesome Jimi Hendrix Wah-Wah guitar pedal in just 3 days.
Best regards,
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Do You Really Want Change?

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“All men having power ought to be distrusted to a certain degree”
Thomas Jefferson
Congressional approval ratings are embarrassingly low. They are so bad it hurts to acknowledge them. Their rating is so low I doubt if any of them even voted favorably for own quorums. President Bush’s rating was consistently about three times higher than that of Congress. To get whipped that bad by George W., takes some doing.
There is a reason. The people have lost confidence in their ability to work cohesively for our Nation. The cultural war between Liberals and Conservatives has morphed into an unending struggle for political power. Although the two sides never cease to call for “Bi-Partisanship”, vote after vote after vote gets counted right down the party lines – with almost no variation! When it comes to dealing with the problems of the people they cannot seem to work together. Endless finger pointing and name calling across both sides of the aisle mark most issues. Ideas from either side are immediately opposed and devalued, alternative plans extolled and finally the decision will be to allocate money and form a committee to study the problem. In the meantime, things get worse and nothing gets done.
For the moment, perhaps the real arguments should not be about increasing or cutting taxes or whether government should be large or small – it should be focused on whether or not we have government representation that we can trust to serve the best interest of the people. Are the leaders we keep electing there to serve the people or themselves?
The biggest scam in American history has been the development of our political aristocracy – most notably our elected representatives in Washington, D.C… These ‘perfumed princes and princesses’ of government are ensconced atop of our society feeding from the public trough unaffected by the economic peaks and valleys their constituents have to cope with daily.
When the price of gasoline skyrocketed recently most of the Country had to scramble to adjust or in some cases, just survive. But the boys and girls in Washington never felt the tiniest squeeze because they don’t have to worry about such things. When the price of a gallon of gas got up to almost five dollars it didn’t cramp their style a bit – why?
Because our Federal Politicians, regardless of party affiliation, get their fuel bills paid for by the taxpayers. In fact, all of their transportation costs are paid by, you guessed it, the taxpayers. All of their printing and mailing is paid for (consider the advantage this gives incumbents in an election!). Their food and entertainment is paid for. They have no office overhead like private businesses – their rent, office supplies, utilities, gifts, and even their staffs are paid by the taxpayers. But that isn’t enough for our ruling class. They have even voted themselves a per Diem on top of their salaries. That is a nice little daily cash bonus in case they have to do a little extra entertaining. If not, they get to pocket it anyway!
So while the rest of our Country is in a severe recession fighting to stave off another full-on depression, they eat out every night in expensive restaurants and ride around in limos talking on cell phones paid for by working Americans with real jobs. They are so busy enjoying themselves that most of the tasks the rest of us have to deal with daily are managed for them by their Aides. It is not uncommon for top Aides to command six figure salaries – and some members of the legislative branch have over a hundred Aides on the public payroll. They have Aides on top of Aides paid for by you to do their bidding. Think about what your life would be like if all the tedious, mundane and unpleasant tasks were handled for you by an entourage of assistants paid for by someone else.
You have heard them time after time warn us about the danger of our Social Security system collapsing. They wag their fingers and tell us Social Security is nearly bankrupt and may not be around for the next generation.
A few claim its demise may come as soon as the next decade. Some blame it on the “Baby Boomers”. But do not be fooled by all of their hand wringing.
Their pretense of concern for us is just a smoke screen to hide their shenanigans.
They have been pretty diligent at taking SSI out of everybody’s paychecks for well over half a century yet they claim the fund is almost bankrupt. How did that happen? Are you ready? They borrowed it! This is absolutely true. Our political aristocracy actually borrowed your retirement (future) to fund their current pet projects and buy votes. Of course they claim it was necessary to change the law all by them selves so they could take our money. They insist they did it all for us – (and if you buy that I have a couple of bridges I’d like to sell you).
The truth is, our government collects over two hundred million dollars more per year than it pays out in Social Security checks, yet we are told the system is going bankrupt. The only reason Social Security is in trouble is because our stalwart legislators have continually spent every penney of surplus. The outrageous thing is they continue to spend every extra cent of even as they tell us the system is approaching collapse. The idea that perhaps they should stop spending our retirement on their personal pork doesn’t seem to have occurred to them. You see, to them, the Social Security surplus is a congressional ‘check guarantee’ to underwrite their personal re-elections.
The looming crisis they keep warning about is not as much about you losing your retirement as it is about them losing their cash cow. In three to five years, the changing demographics of our Nation will finally reverse the annual Social Security surplus and begin a deficit. For the first time the aging of our workforce will result in the system taking in less than it pays out. This means there will be no more surpluses available for congress to borrow. To our politicians – that is the real crisis – no more free money at the expense of your retirement. When whatever surpluses that still exist flip into deficits the payouts may cease altogether – leaving your generation holding the bag with no Social Security assistance. They have mortgaged your future to pay their bills today.
The truly amazing thing is, that our political leadership stand there with a straight face and tell us they feel our pain. Although I am not sure how – since they have created their own private retirement plan separate from Social Security. No kidding, they have their own pension plan . Just for them- a much more generous plan than ours and guess who pays for it – us!
In fact, you and I have to work and contribute for many years to get a small monthly Social Security check when we retire, but our legislators qualify for a juicy pension after serving one term! That’s right, it takes the rest of us years to get a small check, but all they have to do is get elected once for one short term and Voila! – They can live in comfort for the rest of their lives. And of course they have built in periodic raises. Guess which of the retirement plans has increased more over the years? (Hint: not Social Security).
Their exclusive plan is so generous that many of our former elected officials are making more from their pensions than they ever earned while in office. How they justify this double standard is beyond me. And to add insult to injury they have the hubris to collect Social Security in addition to their fat cat, taxpayer-funded pension! So they are covered if Social Security fails, but they are perfectly content to collect it on top of their pension if it doesn’t.
Don’t bother trying to stick the blame on one political party. It doesn’t matter which party they hail from. They all indulge themselves at our expense. When and if they decide themselves, to depend on Social Security like the rest of us and abolish their golden plan, I will begin to believe they are sincere. If that miracle ever does happen you can bet they will find a way to fix Social Security and make sure the money is there pronto.
Do you see where this is going?
They don’t face the same pressures the rest of us face. They have created an elitist culture of entitlement with layer upon layer of security and endless perks. Whether the economy is up or down they are so detached and insulated from the pressures of real life that they never feel it. They just go on TV and act like they feel it. They tell us so, but it is not true. They live in luxury regardless of what the rest of America is going through.
Ross Perot was absolutely right when he said tax dollars are to Washington politicians what coke is to crackheads – no matter how much they get, it will never be enough. Look at their record. Each year our faithless leaders figure out more new ways to tax the American worker. That is what they do best. In fact, virtually all of their time is spent creating new taxes and they have become quite adept at it.
From the moment you wake in the morning until you lay down to sleep at night you are working for the government. Most people are aware that the average American worker pays four to five months of their yearly wages to the government in income tax, but that is only a small part of their “contribution”. You are taxed nonstop on virtually everything you do. As soon as you flip the first light switch or flush the first toilet or hop in your car the tax meter starts spinning. Not only do we pay taxes on utilities, we pay taxes when we buy staples like food, clothing, gasoline, appliances, tools, airline tickets, CDs, DVDs – even telephone and cable bills! The list goes on and on and on and on. You can bet that if something is not being taxed they are working on it. Even now they are trying to come up with a way to tax the internet!
It doesn’t stop there, either. They tax some dollars more than once. If you invest your after-tax dollars and make a profit they take part of that, too. They love it when people work hard and save all their lives to leave an inheritance for their family – because they tax that and sweep a portion into the government coffers. No matter that the taxpayer has diligently put aside funds for their family’s future. Congress always wants “their” share. Even after you retire and begin to collect Social security they take their bite by taxing that. The truly tragic thing is they believe your tax dollars really belong to them and regardless of your life circumstances they expect you and every other American worker to cough it up.
Our political junkies need their fix so bad they will stop at almost nothing to get it. Consider for a moment how they have empowered the IRS to destroy your life if you do not (or cannot) comply. Even though most Americans fear an audit by the IRS more than being mugged, our politicians apparently do not. Charlie Rangel, House Ways and Means Committee Chairman, was recently busted for not paying taxes on one of his rental properties. Now, you would think that as Chairman of the chief tax-writing committee in Washington, D.C., that he would know the law -but, evidently not. He pled ignorance. No big deal though, when the IRS confronted Mr. Rangel with his bill for several years of unpaid taxes he simply agreed to a payment of $10,000 – no penalties or interest – just the single payment of $10,000 -pretty sweet deal, huh?
All Americans should share the same rights and benefits under the law regardless of wealth or status, but how do you think you would have fared in the same situation? No doubt the process would have been significantly less simple, more time consuming and much more costly (and stressful). There should be no difference in how Citizens are treated by the ruthless pit bulls of the IRS, whether or not, they are members of our elitist Legislature, but once again our politicos seem to consider a separate standard their right.
Contrary to their long winded posturing, the primary concern of these hypocrites is not the welfare of their constituents – it is getting re-elected and keeping on the gravy train of taxpayer money. Let me emphasize that last point – Our current crop of politicians are less concerned with the quality of your life than they are getting themselves re-elected. Getting them selves re-elected becomes their life purpose as soon as they get elected. They start getting used to the taxpayer-subsidized-good-life and are not about to give it up. The fact is, our politicians spend more time trying to get re-elected than anything else.
We have some legislators, right now, that have been in office as long as fifty years! A half century! Once they get in and get a taste of it, they don’t ever seem to want to leave. They get on as many committees as they can, get cozy with the lobbyists, cultivate relationships with the press and start getting fat on the public dole. They tout their connections and their long ‘experience’ as ‘insiders’ as the reason for their necessary perpetual re-election, when in fact, it is just for this reason they need to be sent home to make way for new, fresh and innovative newcomers – real working Americans.
Beware: Our “Citizen government” – you know, the one created by our Founding Fathers – “of the people, by the people, for the people” has been usurped and transformed into a permanent paradise for “professional” politicians. Most of these posers get a job right out of college working on a campaign staff or as an Aide. Then they run for local public office, then State office and work their way up to the Federal level without ever having had a real job. They spend their entire adult lives living off the public dole. No wonder they act as though the working people are their own personal golden geese. They have never learned any better. The only paymaster they have ever known is the American worker. Any time they want anything all they have to do is raise taxes and take a little more of your hard earned money. And if they are afraid you might not like it, they will simply convene a vote in the middle of the night when working people are asleep and it will be a done deal by the time you hear about it in the morning.
There is only one solution to this problem. The political system in place today must be replaced. The only way to really change it is to send the professional politicians home. We have to clean house and get rid of the lot of them – regardless of their political affiliation – and replace them with American citizens who have had real experience in the working world.
When our Founding Fathers created our democratic republic they designed the government to consist of Citizens who went to Washington D.C. to serve temporary terms of office. That was the whole idea of having defined terms for elected officials instead of lifetime appointments. It is the reason why Congressmen are elected for two years and Senators for six, Presidents for four and so on. Limited terms mandate regular elections ‘open to the people’. Citizen politicians are supposed to ‘serve’ a limited amount of time – not stay permanently accumulating wealth by taxing working people.
Unfortunately our State and local governments are typically just smaller versions of the Federal model. Many State politicians are just Federal politicians in training. Taxing and spending is all they know. Right now the State of California is operating without a State budget because the parasites in Sacramento refuse to understand that they can no longer spend more than the State takes in. The Governor is refusing to sign a budget unless the spending is correlated to what the State actually takes in. The politicos refuse to cut spending they want to raise taxes. The overtaxed workers there are fighting tax increases so the legislators want to place an additional financial burden on their (your?) future by borrowing money so they can continue to spend like drunken sailors by encumbering future generations (you). All they can think about is spending more and more. Even as more and more businesses close their doors, more jobs lost and for the first time ever – more working people leaving the State versus those coming. What is Sacramento’s response? Higher taxes and increased regulation.
Today’s political parasites can’t control their addiction to our money. They have to have it to buy power and influence. But what do they do for us, really? You cannot turn on the news without being subjected to news conferences with politicians endlessly pushing their bills and resolutions that do nothing for us. (Try to name the last piece of legislature passed that actually improved your life – Can’t do it, huh?) Our politicians sure seem busy doing a big bunch of nothing, but where are they when we really need them?
Take the Gasoline crisis last year – the price of oil went to $200 per barrel and prices at the pumps were getting close to five dollars. Everybody was screaming about the impact on the economy. The airlines, trucking and automotive industries were reeling, heating oil was up, food prices were increasing and consumers couldn’t afford to fill their tanks. Our political leaders immediately vaulted in front of the cameras to point the finger and blame speculators, the Saudis, Big Oil, Wall Street and anybody else they could think of. They were “outraged” and said it was “unacceptable” (political code meaning: “I want you to think I am upset, but I am not going to do anything but talk about it”). They convened committees and appropriated millions of dollars to “study” the problem, but again nothing got done.
Our politicians were helpless, but we were not. The people handled the crisis by themselves. We drove less and bought less gas. More important at the peak of the crisis, the people began to call for domestic drilling. As we, “the people”, modified our consumption and demanded the development of our own domestic oil and gas deposits something incredible happened – Sphincters started tightening all over the Middle East and the price of oil began to plummet. It dropped over 70% in four months! Let me repeat that – the price of oil dropped over 70% in four months! The price of a barrel of oil dropped to less than fifty dollars and prices at the pumps dropped to less than two dollars without any intervention whatsoever from our government. While the professional politicians posed for the TV cameras and burned tax dollars “studying” the problem – the people fixed it!
Right on the heels of the gasoline crisis, our Nation has experienced a financial meltdown rivaling anything that has occurred in the past. What did the boys and girls in Washington do about it? First, the ‘Chicken Littles’ ran around screaming that the sky was falling and that we were all going to die. Then they threw together giant “bailouts” in 2008 and 2009 of over a trillion dollars (by borrowing against our future – again)! They sold it to the American people as necessary to avoid a catastrophic blow to the national economy. We were told it had to be done to “ease the credit crunch” and get money flowing “back to the people”. So they got together and appropriated an obscene amount of capital and gave it to their buddies – the banks and big business. The “bailout” money sold as relief for “the people” was instantly used to pay off bank debt and acquire assets from their weaker competitors. In other words, they used the “bailout” money to strengthen their own financial positions!
What happened to the ‘benefits’ for working Americans? How much of the “bailout” money reached you? Have you noticed an increased availability of credit? Has it been easier for you to obtain financing? Has your personal financial situation been impacted positively in any way as a result of the “bailouts”? Probably not, but the big campaign contributors got theirs. After all, our feckless politicians had to save their friends in order to be able to keep filling their campaign coffers for the next election.
After the “bailouts” failed we began to hear about the “Stimulus Package”. We were told if it didn’t pass our future was in danger, the economy would go down in flames without it – It was our only hope (again). The problem was the ‘devil was in the details’. The first “stimulus” attempt died when the details of the Legislative “pork” (selected spending that taxes us all, but benefits only the constituents of specific Legislators) became public knowledge. In our time of economic crisis our intrepid leaders had blatantly taken advantage by rushing to stuff the bill with spending calculated to make them selves look good to the voters in their individual districts. It had been done on such a scale that it had to be scrapped and a new version pitched.
Now we are being presented a new “stimulus” package as a way to put Americans back to work. We are being sold another pile of rubbish claiming the Government is going to “Create jobs”. No ‘biggie’. Apparently it does not seem to matter that the Government cannot create jobs – especially by taxing working citizens. In fact, what was actually in the “Stimulus Package” (1075 pages) was irrelevant to our political aristocracy. The finished bill was posted at 11 pm the evening prior to the vote. In other words – Nobody in the Senate or the House had time to read it before the vote! They passed it anyway. Although both parties purported to represent the ‘people’, the passing of this bill was not for us – it for their own political expediency. They didn’t even seem to care what was in it. They just wanted the cash.
Even after passing the new Stimulus Package nobody seems overly optimistic. The stock market responded by taking a dive. Even Vice President Joe Biden only gives it a seventy per cent chance of working. The truth is most financial professionals have low expectations for its success. Now the money is gone and we have to pay it back, but where did it go? Who did it help? How did it impact your life?
I like the way Walter Williams, the John M. Olin Distinguished Professor of Economics at George Mason University, put it:
“In stimulus package language, if Congress taxes to hand out money, one person is stimulated at the expense of another, who pays the tax, who is unstimulated. A visual representation of the stimulus package is: Imagine you see a person at work taking buckets of water from the deep end of a swimming pool and dumping them into the shallow end in an attempt to make it deeper. You would deem him stupid. That scenario is equivalent to what Congress and the new President proposes for the economy”.
Unfortunately, robbing Peter to pay Paul, encumbering future generations with huge debts, borrowing away our Social Security and living high on our tax dollars have become institutionalized among our political elite. Isn’t it ironic that although they seem pathologically impotent to solve the problems facing their constituents, they always seem to be able to take care of themselves and their friends?
Fortunately, American politicians have not always behaved this way (at least on this scale). The Founding Fathers all had real jobs. They actually worked for a living. They went to Washington, served their terms and then went back home to their real jobs and let someone else serve. That is how our government is supposed to work – “of the people, by the people, for the people” – real working Americans taking time out of their busy lives to act as public servants. There was never any intention of creating a political aristocracy of professional politicians whose fat lifetime income is derived from taxpayer dollars. If our Founding Fathers were around today they would bitch-slap these current Capitol Hill posers out into the street.
You want change? Get rid of the professional politicians.
If this abuse of taxpayer dollars by our political “leaders” is news to you, I suggest you start checking it out for yourself. What was mentioned here is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more. The Washington elite have structured freebies, perks and protections for themselves at our expense for decades and show no sign of slowing down. Believe me; they have perks on top of perks on top of perks and more planned for the future.
You want change? Get rid of the professional politicians.
It is up to you end this cycle of ever increasing abuse. Keep re-electing the same representatives and you can only expect more of the same. As long as this trend continues the only genuine change your generation can depend on is more hand-wringing, fear-mongering, regulation and higher taxation.
You really want change? Get rid of the professional politicians – all of them! How? Vote the incumbents out. Elect a new kind of politician. Get representatives in there who have real world experience – men and women who know what it is like to work for a living at a real job – people who do not plan to stay forever. Representatives that want to serve the people – not themselves. That will be a real change.
PS
You gotta love Will Rogers. He ought see it now:
“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets”.
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Two Pearls of Business Wisdom – Alternative Financial Companies and Buying Out Your Partner

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An alternative financial company generally refers to credit unions. A credit union is non-profit organization that differs from a traditional financial institution (i.e. bank) in that the credit union’s owners are account holders in the credit union. A credit union’s primary goal is to improve its members’ financial stability by allowing them to borrow money at low interest rates. Once an individual deposits money into his or her account, the individual becomes part owner of this union and shares in its profits.
Like traditional financial institutions, alternative financial companies offer checking and savings accounts, credit cards, and loans. However, these unions generally have a lower profitability than banks, which indicates that credit unions are more concerned with the well being of its members. Credit unions also enjoy federal and state tax exemptions provided to non-profit organizations, unlike traditional financial companies.
Membership to an alternative financial company is regulated by government standards. Membership is restricted to defined geographic locations, members of specific non-profit associations, employees of specific companies, or certain occupations. In most cases, once an individual becomes a member of this union, he or she is considered a member for life. Membership is not revoked when the individual moves, changes jobs, or discontinues membership from an association. However, if an individual decides to cancel membership with the credit union, there is no guarantee that he or she will be able to regain membership into the alternative financial company.
Buying out your partner generally refers to business owners looking to purchase another partner’s shares of the same business. A partner may choose to leave a business if he or she is moving, retiring, or otherwise no longer be a part of the business and its profits. Before deciding whether or not to buy out a partner, a business owner must consider several factors
The first thing to consider before buying out your partner is the value of the partner’s share of the business. Some partnerships have business agreement contracts that outline the duties and obligations of each partner. These agreements may also indicate a pre-determined value in the case of a buy out. Businesses that did not determine the selling price of a partner’s share can use an asset valuation (current market value minus current market debt) or rely on the business’s earnings to settle a price for the buy out.
Another factor to consider before buying out your partner is how to finance the buy out. Most lenders do not provide loans specifically for buy outs, but they do offer loans that can be used for any business purpose. For large loans, lenders usually require applicants to supply personal and business financial documents, a business plan, and credit reports. If a business has a poor financial history, it may be unable to obtain a large loan at a low interest rate.
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Marriage Problems are Solvable

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Do you wish your marriage felt better to you? Do you have some minor relationship problems you would like to fix? Or maybe you have some problems that feel huge and you are tired of them. Either way, you want less pain and more pleasure in your marriage. This article addresses some things we know about relationships, what works and doesn’t work in relationships, and offers two alternatives for creating healthier marriages.
Conflict, even in the best marriages, is inevitable. For some couples it creates underlying unease in a relationship. For others, it causes major problems. How we deal with conflict leads to either a painful or pleasurable conclusion. Our natural desire is to find a pleasurable solution, but most couples don’t know how to recover when they experience relationship problems. Usually they keep doing over and over what they know to do and it doesn’t work. They can’t figure out what to do differently. Most of the time people don’t know how to successfully communicate and productively solve problems together. This is one reason why 75% of all new marriages end up either in separation or divorce, or unhappily staying wed.
We have “built in” needs; needs with which we are born. These include air, water, food, and shelter. Other built in needs we have are for physical closeness and emotional openness; what we call “bonding.” Without the skills to confide openly and honestly, listen empathically, and solve problems effectively in an environment of good will and trust, we are unable to bond successfully.
Our education for learning how to communicate and handle relationship problems usually comes from watching our parents. We copy what they do. If our parents did not show us healthy skills for communicating and resolving conflict, we need to look somewhere else to learn these skills for success in our marriages.
When you don’t know how to communicate and solve problems as a couple and you have children, they are unable to learn these skills from you. In turn, they grow up not knowing how to have healthy relationships. The result is an intergenerational problem: kids grow up having the same relationship struggles their parents have.
By learning and doing what works, couples can break the pattern of unhealthy communication and create intergenerational health: happy, healthy parents raise happy, healthy families. Your children, in turn, have the capacity to pass relationship health on to the next generation. Now there’s a legacy worth leaving behind!
So where can you go to learn these skills? Both marriage counseling and relationship psychoeducation for couples have demonstrated effectiveness. Successful approaches include:
learning proven skills for communication and confiding effectively,
resolving misunderstanding and conflict productively,
healing old relationship wounds permanently,
and increasing intimacy successfully.
Many people are familiar with marriage or relationship counseling where you meet regularly over a period of time with a counselor or therapist. Successful treatment focuses on your relationship rather than on individual issues. With your counselor you identify and dissolve the barriers to resolving your conflicts.
Benefits of relationship counseling include the privacy of the counseling session, a focus on your specific relationship needs, and flexibility in scheduling appointments.
Outstanding alternatives or additions to counseling are relationship psychoeducation workshops for couples. Psychoeducation is not therapy. It is more like taking a class. Look for a program where couples learn how to identify specific and practical skills for:
identifying healthy and unhealthy relationships,
learning how to turn relationship pain into pleasure,
understanding how to maintain relationship health,
and gaining insight for how to recognize signs of relapse before their problems worsen again.
As with marriage counseling, greater gains are usually made if you choose a program where the focus is on the relationship rather than the individual. Seek out a program where you and your spouse have the opportunity to learn and practice concrete skills, under supervision, you can continue to use regularly at home. Both secular and faith-based programs are available.
While people sometimes express concern about sharing their problems in the presence of other couples, workshops have their own set of benefits. Usually couples value from seeing their problems are a lot like the problems other couples have. They tend to gain encouragement from experiencing not just their own immediate positive results, but also the rapid changes of the other participants. It is common for any initial discomfort you have to go away early in the workshop. An added value: couples are likely to spend significantly less time and money to obtain positive results.
How do you decide what services are right for you and your spouse? Start by seeking out a counselor who specializes in relationship problems. It is helpful if this specialist offers both counseling and psychoeducation services, or will refer you to workshops if that is what you need. Together, with a counselor, you can choose which service or combination of services is right for you.
Are you ready to make some changes today towards a healthy, successful relationship? Here are four tips you can start using now:
Tell your partner every day at least one thing you appreciate about who they are or something they have done.
Make every effort to see the concerns of your partner through their eyes.
Avoid dismissing their feelings and experience when you do not understand or agree..
Never criticize or put down your partner in public.
Nurture healthy interests outside your relationship.
Do you have difficulty imagining transforming your relationship pain into relationship pleasure with your partner? With the right help marriage problems are solvable when both partners decide they want to have a more satisfying, pleasurable relationship together.
Copyright © 2008 Jenny Olin
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